


A Spark of Hope

by SaraMcCaspian1



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Balance in the force, Ben Solo Gets a Second Chance, Canon Compliant, Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Force Dyad (Star Wars), Inappropriate Use of the Force, Lightsaber Battles, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Reylo - Freeform, Slow Burn, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers, That's Not How The Force Works, Virgin Ben Solo, Virgin Rey (Star Wars), World Between Worlds, that smile
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:54:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23166559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaraMcCaspian1/pseuds/SaraMcCaspian1
Summary: My version of Episode IX Fix it Fic. Tying up loose ends from the film/novel. VERY Slow Burn.Rey and Ben will find their way back to each other, but the journey to get there will include Rey finding her Kyber Crystal, the gang going to The Imperial Palace, a lot of research into The World Between Worlds and Ben Solo having to confront his past with the help of some friends and family and finding his own forgiveness.Picks up where we left off on Ajan Kloss before Tattoine. My version of what I believe would have happened if the gang knew Rey was in love with Ben. Characters from every Star Wars element will be used. Canon Compliant and ties in the whole Star Wars Universe (Original Trilogy, Prequels, Sequels, Clone Wars, Rebels, Solo & Rogue)
Relationships: Finn/Rose Tico, Kylo Ren/Rey, Leia Organa/Han Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Zorii Bliss/Poe Dameron
Comments: 19
Kudos: 60
Collections: Post-TROS-fix-it, Reylo, Star Wars





	1. Amidst the Celebration

As the ships began regrouping on Ajan Kloss, the resistance base never seemed so alive. The Final Order had been defeated. Fighters that had emerged for the last stand were all coming back to the rendezvous point to take part in the celebration. The Galaxy was rising up and uniting once again. Hundreds rejoiced in victory of a war, they weren’t sure they would win and never thought would end.

As Red 5 entered the atmosphere, Rey could feel the elation in the air. She sensed her friend's relief and happiness. As soon as the landing gears touched the surface and Luke's X-Wing powered down, she thought it best to leave the tangible proof of him in the cockpit. Rey would tell them how Ben Solo saved her and the Galaxy, but not at this moment. She could barely get her mind to understand what had just happened. 

When Rey stepped down from the craft, she saw smiling faces, tears of joy, friends and lovers embracing each other and two men who had become her family. She pushed through the crowd of people, acknowledging with only a nod, the many hands that reached out to congratulate the young Jedi who helped save the galaxy.

Rey wandered through them desperately seeking Finn and Poe. When Rey reached them, she pulled them into a hug, cataloging their embrace to memory. The three of them held one another for quite some time, pulling back only when Threepio approached. 

“Mistress Rey! Artoo was worried when you didn’t make it back with the fleet, but I told him you would be quite fine. Typical. Ugh Artoo, you always assume the worst!” Rey just smiled at him, treasuring his lack of timing to another memory she pledged to never grow tired of.

Chewy and Rose both took turns pulling Rey into their embrace next. Chewy engulfed Rey into his furry arms and she laughed at being suffocated by the Wookie. 

When Rose hugged her, Rey whispered, “You were right. We won by not killing what we hate, but by saving what we love.” Rose smiled and looked at Finn. His eyes gave it all away, he swept her off her feet moments later and kissed her in front of everyone. Rey felt happy for her friends, but was reminded of the man she loved and wished was here with her. 

Night descended rapidly on Ajan Kloss, and as the moon crept over the horizon, bonfires were lit and the celebration showed no sign of ending. In between the music and stories that only grew louder with Corellian wine, her head began to throb. She was sitting around a fire with her friends, Poe and Zorii exchanging stories from another time while Finn listened in with wonder to the daily squabbles of a spice runner. 

Rey’s insides crawled beneath her skin. Her leg bounced quietly as she bid her time before she could escape the people who loved her. Lost in the cracking light of the fire, Rey’s mind was light years away in a reality that would never exist. Finn’s friendly bump of his shoulder began to bring her back, she was tuned out for quite some time. 

Poe’s quick jump to his feet tore the last straw of the false reality Rey was holding onto. Now fully aware of her surroundings, she listened as he began recounting what happened on the First Order Steadfast ship. He told the story of how the First Order Spy turned out to be no other than General Armitage Hux. Chewie’s laughter was radiating the circle recalling the sour fate they all thought they were facing and how the tide had turned. Finn was in disbelief while Poe claimed he knew it was Hux.

The three smiled and Poe lifted his glass. “To General Hux.”

Everyone gathered around, raised their glasses, and toasted the man who in the end found redemption in their eyes. This only led her mind back to Ben. Of the promise of what would be as she remembered waking in his arms and how it should have been him they were all praising.

Rey could not bear to partake in this celebration anymore. She stood, body protesting from the wounds she still had not tended to, and began to quietly withdraw from the circle. 

“Rey.” Finn rose up with her, helping to steady her from her lack of balance of the weight she felt thrusted upon her. “I think I will retire for the evening and get some rest.” She didn’t sound convincing. Rey turned away before she could hear any objections to her departure. With every step, Rey felt like she could now begin to let her defenses down. 

As the festivities continued into the night, Rey collected Ben’s belongings from the X-Wing, and under the cloak of darkness, walked to Leia’s quarters. Finally alone, Rey allowed herself to truly feel what had happened. The floodgates of sadness came crashing open and she sunk to her knees at the foot of Leia's bed. She let the tears she had been holding deep inside her flow freely. She had buried all her grief until this moment.

_He’s really gone,_ she thought. The gravity hit her and she began to recall everything. 

The fear that bled into her soul when she landed on Exegol. Looking into the twisted face of the Sith, the man who was her Grandfather. Her hatred being extorted to carry out evil. Her friends, fighting for their lives above her. The overwhelming sense that she was going to fail them all. And then Ben Solo. Who had come to her, in her most desperate hour, fighting with her and reminding her that she was not alone. 

Rey remembered the voices of the Jedi who came before her telling her to rise and take her final steps. She remembered conjuring all the strength she had to take that last stand against evil. She remembered the Emperor and all the Sith in him being burned up in the light. She remembered the light, so much light, flowing through and around her, comforting her as she fulfilled her destiny. She remembered feeling weightless and free.

_This is what dying feels like._ The slow fade into the darkness was unlike anything Rey had ever known. It wasn’t evil, or loneliness. It was everything and nothing at the same time.

Paths of dim light laid out at her feet, stars above her, ribbons of possibility all around her. She saw circular mirrors lining the paths of light showing her the people who mattered most to her. She saw Finn and Rose with their children. Poe on his knee in front of Zorii. Chewy back with his family on Kashyyyk. Luke training young children with practice sabers. Leia and Han holding Ben for the first time. She saw countless moments scattered throughout time and space within all the mirrors, but the last thing she saw before this new world faded was Ben’s smile. She felt the strong pull in their bond, syphoning her life Force back into her body.

Time stopped when she was pulled back into his arms. She felt all of his emotions at that moment, magnifying what she had felt for so long. Admiration, respect, infatuation, hope, love. She felt Ben Solo’s love for her. She spoke his name like a prayer into the Force. Still wondering if this was a dream, she reached out to cradle his face, running her fingers over his beauty marked skin that no longer bore the scar she gave him. The flutter in her heart intensified and she leaned in, closing the distance between their lips. She was reborn that day, not only because Ben had sacrificed himself to save her, but because she had never known passion so deep and love so pure until that moment. 

That smile. She would give anything to see that smile again. She remembered the last thing that came through the bond after he faded. _‘I will always be with you’._

When he whispered it in their connection she replied, “No one’s ever really gone”.

Back in the Leia's cove, she tried pulling on the string that tied them together. She felt tension in return, but no response. The absence and emptiness of the bond left an open wound, a stark reminder of what would never be. Not unlike the phantom limb that would never grow back, but always reminded the bearer of the loss. She couldn’t feel him anymore and missed him. 

For the past year, she considered their connection to be a nuisance. She couldn’t understand why the Force chose to bring them together like this. In her waking moments, Rey concentrated on severing the connection when it would open. Putting up walls to block him out. She studied the Jedi Texts looking for any clues on how to eradicate it from her life.

As much as she searched for clues on how to rid herself of him, she was relieved when she found no answers. 

She remembered the first time he had materialized in front of her. She reached for her blaster without thinking. Back then, he was her enemy. The more time she spent communing in their connection, the more she saw through the mask of Kylo Ren. She felt his conflict, walking down the path to the dark side because he felt he had no other choice in tandem with his burning desire to be redeemed. It was easier for him to stay in the dark, until she came into his life. When they touched hands on Ahch-To, the feelings they both shared grew into something neither of them ever thought possible. 

She never realized how much he was a part of her until now. Her sobs tore through the small cove and did nothing to ease the impossible heartache she would always carry. 

She felt a hand on her shoulder, and she quickly turned in defense almost landing a blow on Finn. 

“Rey! Rey! Hey it’s just us.” Finn sunk to the floor to join her and pulled her into a hug. 

“He’s gone Finn. He’s really gone.” 

“Who’s gone?” Rose asked. She knew Finn and Rey had a special connection but felt lost like she had missed something. When she looked to Finn he was just as clueless as Rose. He didn’t know what his friend was saying into his shoulder. 

“Ben.” Rey whispered, pulling back to look both of them in the eyes. 

“Ren?” Finn clarified. His distaste for the other man showing plain as day. Rey shook her head, and pulled her brows together. 

“Ben Solo. He saved me. Saved us all. I would have become something dark and twisted if he hadn’t saved me from that fate. He stood with me against Palpatine. I died fighting him and Ben brought me back. He sacrificed his own life to save mine.”

“Kylo Ren sacrificed himself for you? Kylo Ren?”

“Ben Solo did. Kylo Ren died back on the Death Star wreck. I know this all sounds crazy but it’s true.” Rey was pleading with her friends to understand the truth, but their shock and worry was

making her frustrated. How could she explain to them what Ben meant to her? How he saved her and all of them. How did she get them to see past the mask of Kylo Ren? 

“What sounds crazy?” No one had better timing than Poe. He walked in right as she was starting to explain and she figured it’s now or never. 

“She says Kylo Ren saved us all and sacrificed his life for Rey’s.” From Finn's tone, she could tell she wasn’t getting anywhere. 

“How hard did you hit your head Rey?” Poe interjected. 

“It’s true. All of it. There are things I haven’t told you both. Haven’t told anyone.” She rose to her feet, pleading with them to understand. 

“Saving what we love.” Rose pieced it together. At that moment Rey looked to her as if she alone could mend the broken pieces of her heart. 

“You mean to tell us that you are in love with Kylo Ren?” Finn asked, scared of the answer. 

“No. I am in love with Ben Solo.” Rey straightened up and said with all the conviction she had. The first time she admitted out loud how she truly felt. 

“How is this possible?” Finn looked as though she had hurt him.

“When he took me to Starkiller base he brought me to an interrogation room-”

“Yeah I have experience with that.” 

“Poe, please listen, he and I talked. He tried to look into my mind to find the map but instead I was able to resist and he woke something inside of me up. I was able to look into his mind. From that moment on I couldn’t deny the connection I have to the Force and to him as well. We are a dyad. Two souls that walk as one. We are connected by something more powerful than life itself. I can tell what he is feeling and we can see each other. Our connection grew and over time we came to understand one another. He saved me from Snoke, saved me from Palpatine, saved me from death. We both saved each other really because I killed Kylo Ren and Ben Solo rose from the ashes.”

“Wait. All this time you had this connection and never told us? You could see each other? Rey, what if he found the base? You could have compromised the resistance. All of us! How could you hide this?” Poe was angry at this point, his voice rising more with each word. 

“Poe, stop. Leia knew.” Finn exclaimed. 

“What?” They all said in unison. 

“She knew, she told me one night when I was watching over Rose. She confided in me that Rey would heal the conflict in Ben and he would then save himself. She also knew about your bloodline.” Finn had kept Leia's secret all this time. 

“What? Everyone is still keeping secrets? Great way to start a peaceful galaxy people!” 

“That is what I was going to tell you in the sinking sands. We are your family. No matter where we came from, we are family.”

“You all are the only family I have left. Luke is gone, Leia is gone, and now Ben-. Our bond is gone and it feels like, it feels like my soul is split. Like something inside me is wrong. This just, it all feels wrong. I thought we would get our chance to be free.”

“Free? Rey, Kylo Ren Ben Solo Supreme Leader- whatever you want to call him, is responsible for the deaths of so many of our people. He has hunted us down. Hunted you down! He placed a bounty on your head so large that we couldn’t even trust our own people not to turn you in. The guy is bad news and if he is gone like you say he is the galaxy is better because of it.”

“Poe you don’t understand.” Rey was beginning to panic. 

“Oh no I think I do! While we were out there with our necks on the line you were having Force calls with a man who is responsible for entire worlds being wiped out!”

“You didn’t know him like I knew him.”

“I didn’t, your right. I don’t have the Force or a connection or anything like that. What I do have is watching Leia mourn her husband, her brother and countless lives of her friends at the hand of this Kylo Ren. This spectacular guy you think he is. No Rey, he was a monster and the fact that he is gone is a good thing.”

“He saved us all Poe.”

“And that's great, but for our sakes let's never mention this again. We just won the war. The war against the Final Order. Who knows what we are going to have to deal with tomorrow. People are still loyal to the First Order! It took over a year for the last war to officially end after Endor. Who knows how long it will take to be finished now. That happened on your old home world by the way.”

“Poe. Let’s think about this.” Finn tried to interject. 

“I don’t need to think about this Finn. I never want to hear any of this outside this room. No Ben Solo coming to aid us. No Kylo Ren being a good guy. None of this. Rey defeated Palpatine alone. Am I clear?”

“No Poe. That’s not what happened. I will not stand behind that lie. You can sit around a fire and toast Hux for helping you when it mattered but you can’t accept that Ben gave his life for us? For me? Finn? Please back me up.”

“Rey. I’m so sorry but he is right. I need to stand with Poe on this one. As much as I believe you and know that you have always done the right thing by all of us, I need to stand united with Poe. We can’t let this get out, people will question the reasons we are still standing against the First Order if we reveal that the Supreme Leader was in fact fighting with us.”

Rey continued to look between the two men in disbelief. 

“I am serious, not a word of this ever again.”

“Please get out. All of you.” For the first time in all her life Rey wanted to be alone. Wanted her family to leave. Finn turned to his friend. 

“Rey, let’s just- “

“Get out!” She screamed. 

As they all began leaving, Rose was the last one out, turning and saying, “I know the truth now, and I know people can change and be redeemed. Thank you for sharing what happened with us, even if it wasn’t well received. You both are so brave and deserve better.”

“Thank you Rose.” Rose nodded her head and shut the door behind her. Rey locked it with a swipe of her hand and pulled the curtain over the coves' outlook, not wishing for any other interruptions for the evening. When she finally felt alone, she curled up on Leia's bed and fell into a deep sleep. 


	2. A World Between Worlds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben Solo gives all he has left to the woman he loves and wakes to a new world between worlds. The beginning of his journey back to Rey starts now.

Ben felt Rey’s spirit leave this plane the moment she fell. His muscles ached and his body protested, but nothing would keep him from reaching her. As Ben climbed over the edge of the cliff, he staggered towards her body.

No. No. No. Ben kept thinking. He pulled Rey’s lifeless corpse into his arms, looking around for anyone who could help. She was gone. The woman who was always his light, was gone. 

Ben brought her body up to his in a desperate hug and searched for the string that tied them together. There! Ben could feel the faintest hint of life still within her. He remembered what Rey had done on Kef Bir. She had healed. Ben steadied his breath and tried to replicate what she had shown him. How to give.

He loved Rey with every fiber of his being. When Ben tapped into the reservoirs of the Force he didn’t know he had to heal her, he finally let go of all the fear. Within those resources he realized that they had been connected for a long time. He felt her, guiding him, even when he thought his connection to the light was lost. Ben reached out with his feelings and gave Rey all he had.

When the choice came to give Rey all the life force he had left, Ben didn’t think twice. He wanted her to live. To thrive. Ben wanted her to continue spreading hope and to be happy, even though he would not be a part of it. 

He felt Rey’s diaphragm rise and her hand clasp his. Her eyes were no longer empty, they had that spark back. 

Ben felt his life force draining, but he didn’t feel scared or worried of what would become of him. He had no thought of himself when it came to living, only Rey. He was so happy that he had been able to give Rey back to the world. He had wished that she would find the happiness and peace she so desperately deserved.

Ben knew he had done so many unspeakable things, this was the only way he knew how to scratch the surface to atonement. To give the last of his very essence to the woman he loved and to make sure she would see many more years. 

Since as far back as Ben could recall he would always dream about a girl. He never thought anything of it. A year ago, when he was finally face to face with her, he knew Rey was destined to be connected with him. He hid that part of himself from everyone. Even Snoke hadn’t seen it in his mind. Rey was always there, even before they encountered each other.

No words could describe the joy Ben felt in his final moments. To finally be with her in the way he had never thought possible. When Rey woke, she had not run from him or looked at him as if he was her enemy. Ben almost expected her to walk away without thinking twice. No, he was given the unexpected.

Rey was excited to be in his arms. They had found each other at last. She had been a part of him the whole time, despite the veil of darkness he had lived in for so long.

Ben believed when he was born, that both the light and the dark had claimed him. The constant tug of war, always splitting his soul in two. He hated the name Ben Solo. Between the pressure of being like Obi Wan, whom he had never met, and the lie of the Solo origin, he felt as if he was destined for failure. All throughout his life, anytime someone would address him as ‘Ben’, it made his insides crawl. Except her.

When Rey spoke his name, he never wanted her to stop. It felt so right hearing it flow off her tongue. Ben dreamed of waking to his name every morning from her. He desired it escaping from her lips, in her ecstasy. Rey had the power to undo him, in the sweetest of ways. 

When she reached forward and cradled his face, he burned from the inside. The feeling of Rey’s skin on his brought more heat than any lava stream on Mustafar.

When she leaned forward and pressed her lips against his, he was in shock. He loved Rey for so long and denied himself the truth. This was where Ben would always want to be. Forever in this moment with her lips on his. 

When Rey pulled back to look into his eyes once more, he wished he could hold her until they both grew old. Her smile was because of him. Within all the destruction Ben had caused, he never would have thought possible that the girl of his dreams would smile because of him.

If only Ben could take back his shortcomings, his pride, his need to control. If he could take that back and start over, he would have found her long ago.

In the moments before death, Ben Solo had his life flashed before his eyes, and only wished he had been better for this breathtaking woman before him. None of it mattered though because Rey got to live.

Ben couldn’t hide the slow pull from the living anymore. It was creeping over him and she felt it. As he fell back, Ben felt the Force welcoming him into a new realm and the hand of the woman he would always love clasped tightly around him. 

As Ben’s spirit drifted above his body, he saw Rey looking down at the empty clothes he had worn, tears spilling from her eyes. He reached out, asking to say one last thing from the Force that was pulling him away. He spoke clear and strong, Rey, I will always be with you. 

Fading from the galaxy, Ben felt Rey’s resolve and heard her whisper back, “No one’s ever really gone.” That was the last thing he would recall from his living life.

Darkness. As Ben opened his eyes, he could only see different shades of darkness. It seemed as if he was standing on a path illuminated in dim light. It stood out against the rest of the space. Stars intertwined with these ribbons of dim light. Circular mirrors, like doors, lined the paths everywhere. 

Ben heard the screams of the villagers on Jakku coming from one mirror. The cries of the people in the Hosnian System moments before it was obliterated from another mirror. His academy friends pleading with him to come back to the light, their screams moments before they drew their last breath. His Father begging him to come home. The woman he loved calling him a monster.

This was Ben’s own personal Hell within the Force. Every bit of pain he had caused the galaxy would now be on display to haunt him forever. All these voices haunting him for all eternity.

He deserved this. This torment for all the wrong he had caused. Looking around for any clue to what comes next, the cries and screams from the mirrors silenced all at once. Ben sensed he was not alone, but it wasn’t a hostile or malevolent feeling that came over him. It was love and forgiveness. He could sense the elderly woman he missed and wish he could have made things right with. 

“Ben.” He turned to see where her voice was coming from. He saw his mother standing before him, wearing white robes that flowed all around her. She was a translucent blue. Leia looked like she had aged a lifetime since he had seen her, but her eyes were just the same, warm, forgiving and full of love. 

“Mom?” Ben was like the small boy once again, falling into his mother's arms. They held each other for some time. The sobs that rose from them silently communicated everything they wished they had said a long time ago to one another. 

When they pulled away from each other, Leia looked into Ben's eyes and smiled. “I really missed you Ben. I always knew you would find your way back; I never gave up on the light within you.”

“Mom, I’m so sorry fo-”

“I know son. I know. We all do.” Leia smiled and dipped her head down to acknowledge a new presence within this unknown place. Luke had also materialized and joined the reunion.

As Ben and Luke gazed into each other eyes, a million emotions passed between them. Luke was sorry for giving into fear, for believing that Ben had lost his light. Ben wished he could take it all back and be stronger and accept the help his family tried to show him long ago. Both men had failed one another, and in their failure, they lost who they were.

Luke approached Ben and pulled him into a hug. Ben no longer felt the anger and betrayal. The resentment he had felt for so long towards his uncle was nowhere to be found within his heart. Luke was proud of the man Ben Solo had become. In the end, he found the light and saved what he loved. 

As Luke released Ben from his embrace he said, “Ben, the Force is not done with you yet.” Luke smiled and spoke with the all-knowing voice Ben had always admired. “We wanted to be with you before your next journey. To remind you that you are never alone. Trust the balance within your heart, it will lead you down your next path.”

“Is this what happens after death?” Ben had learned from an early age to always trust in the Force that was all around them. He had never let his mind drift to such questions. 

Leia and Luke both smiled at him. Luke reached out and put his hand on Ben's shoulder. “This is not death. Like Rey said to you, ‘nobody’s ever really gone’. You still have much to learn, you need to stay in between this world and the next. Your dyad is more powerful than life or death. It will lead you back to where your journey continues.” 

“Ben, this won’t be easy my son. You will need to face your past. Face everything you have done. You will need to find your own forgiveness and learn the old ways of the Force before you can take your next steps.” Leia spoke to him in a gentle tone that gave him hope.

Luke smiled and said, “A wise master recently told me ‘failure is the greatest teacher.’ I believed that because of my failure in losing you, thinking that your choice was already made, that I needed to give up. I studied the ways of the Jedi and that same failure was weaved within all the outcomes. My failures have been the greatest teachers, to myself, to Rey and now to you. Trust in your journey, no matter how painful it will be to look back at your past.”

Ben thought about the teachings Luke had bestowed upon him when he was younger. How the Jedi Order was blind to the dark side rising up around them. He applied that same teaching to what his Uncle felt that night. So many times, Ben had wondered if anyone could have changed the outcome back in the old republic. He couldn’t fault Luke for thinking the same.

“I wish we could stay with you. To help lead the way, but we can’t. Stay strong and trust the ways of the Force. Discover what it wants to show you. Find the balance between the light and the dark, find them both within you.” Leia reached up and cradled Ben’s face in her hands. 

“What do you mean mom?” Luke and Leia were beginning to dim, the blue light around them becoming more translucent.

“Trust the balance my son. We love you. Until we meet again, may the Force be with you, always.” Leia’s voice was a whisper.

They faded and Ben was left alone to the vast expanse of a World Between Worlds. The mirrors didn’t haunt him like they had before. They remained quiet. He started walking down a path, looking all around. Trust the balance. He knew he had both the light and the dark within him. He always had.

Ben walked for what felt like forever. Each step led him closer to nowhere. He fell to his knees and pounded his fists against the pathway.

Just then he thought he heard a distant shrieking cry, but this was not a human cry. He was frozen in awe as a green and white convor came into view, screeching on its descent downward. It landed on a cloaked figure now standing before him.

This figure was real, nothing about its energy felt the same as his mothers or uncles Force Ghosts. This was something else.

The figure turned towards Ben and smiled, “Hello Ben Solo.”

“Hello” Ben was weary of this woman. She wore a white hooded robe and carried a staff. She was a Togruta. The convor that had landed was perched on her shoulder. She had a calming presence, but nevertheless, he still felt off about this woman.

“I am Ahsoka Tano and this is Morai, we have been waiting for you.”

“Are you stuck here too?”

“No, I’m able to come and go. Morai makes that possible. She and I are connected. Bonded you may say.”

“Bonded? Like Rey and I?”

“Not quite. We aren’t a dyad, Morai is a manifestation, the daughter of the Force that surrounds us all. She is the light. She gave her life force to bring me back from this place long ago. Because of that we share a bond.”

It was a lot to grasp. Ben mulled over her words but still did not understand. “Why have you both been waiting for me?”

“We wanted to be here to help guide you on your journey. Your grandfather was my master, before I left the Jedi order.”

“You knew Vader?”

“I knew Anakin Skywalker. I’ve been following your family for quite some time. You my boy, have made a lot of wrong choices.”

“I know that now. How do I make it right? I know I don’t deserve forgiveness, but if there is any way to make it right, punishment or justice, I want to at least try.”

“You’re in love. Love is one of the greatest aspects of the Force. It allows people to see the wrong paths they have traveled and try to set out on a new foot. You have quite a journey ahead of you. Let’s begin.” Ahsoka tapped her staff and the dark vast space was filled with a blinding white light.


	3. The Hum of Hyperspace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey leaves the Resistance base and brings Chewy home. With the Falcon now her home among the stars, she tries to figure out what her next move is.

After the fight with her friends, Rey had stayed locked in Leia's cove for three days. In the moments right before sleep pulled her under, she could almost feel the bond tugging at her. The sensation sent her spiraling as she dreamed about paths of dim light in front of her.

Rey was dreaming about the place she went to after death. When she would wake up, Rey couldn’t quite recall what happened in her dreams or if they were even real, but she sought that feeling like one would seek death sticks. That in-between reality became what she craved most. It was where she felt closest to Ben.

When Rey finally emerged from the fallen generals’ quarters, it was because Chewy had refused to leave until she let him in. He knew that Rey had seen something in Ben Solo and he knew that she was in love with his nephew from the moment he helped her down into the escape pod on the Falcon over a year ago.

After Crait, Chewy had confided in Rey why he intentionally didn’t land the killing shot on Kylo Ren at Starkiller Base. Even after watching Han fall, Chewbacca still wanted to believe that there was a spark of hope for Ben Solo. Chewbacca’s sadness stung in his soul for his best friend Han, but the memories of playing with Ben during his youth never left him. 

Chewy sat with Rey in Leia’s cove for a while in silence, just holding Rey as she wept. When she felt like her voice would not crack under the heavy pressure of reality, Rey told him everything.

Rey spoke about her bloodline, that she was a Palpatine.

She told Chewy about her connection to Kylo, that they were a dyad in the Force.

Rey confessed about her confrontation with Kylo on the Death Star wreck. How she had given into the dark side of herself and nearly killed him, landing a mortal wound on Kylo with his own saber.

Rey explained that she felt Leia pass on at the same moment she struck Kylo. She told Chewy that she felt Leia call Ben Solo back from the darkness. That within that call, Rey felt Leia radiate love and forgiveness for her son. Rey spoke of how she healed him, giving Ben her own life force and how she no longer saw Kylo Ren in Ben’s eyes.

She went on and told Chewy about the self-imposed exile that was short-lived. How Luke had come to her and passed on his final lessons. Luke restored the hope Rey thought she had lost and gave her strength to face Palpatine.

She told Chewy about the fight with the man who claimed to be her grandfather. How she nearly gave into her fear, but how Ben Solo came and stood by her side, reminding her that she was never alone.

Rey explained that Ben Solo brought her back from death, and sacrificed his life for her, so she could go on.

Instead of being met with discord, like the previous conversation with her friends, Chewy listened. When Rey finished telling the Wookie everything, he was proud of the man his nephew became. They both wished that Ben Solo was here with them. 

After their talk, they had both decided to leave Ajan Kloss together. Chewy had offered Rey full ownership of the Falcon under one condition, she take him home to his family. He expressed that it was her ship now and that Han would have wanted it this way. Chewy missed his family and wanted to be a part of their lives once again.

BB8 had accompanied them on their journey and was secretly keeping Finn and Poe updated on where they were.

That last flight with her furry companion was silent but when they landed on Kashyyyk, they both said their farewells for now. This wouldn’t be goodbye. One way or another, Rey and Chewbacca would be reunited again, but for now they both felt like they needed to find themselves away from this war. 

Now alone by choice, in the dead of space, Rey found that the days were bleeding together. Time was irreverent when you had no rising and setting sun to remind you of your daily motions.

Space was cold. Rey spent two weeks orbiting around the Outer Rim. After the celebration on Ajan Kloss and the confrontation with her friends, she needed to be free from sentient beings for a while. Rey needed to think about her next move. 

Rey found a practice droid on board who helped keep her working on her lightsaber forms, but now both Luke and Leia's sabers felt like a foreign extension of herself. They both called for peace, to be laid to rest once and for all. When Rey was not attending to her lightsaber skills, she would spend hours in front of the Jedi texts, looking for any information on where she should go next. 

During the early days of Rey’s training and research back on the Resistance base, it seemed like constructing a new saber was near impossible.

Back then she had taught herself how to mend the divided Skywalker crystal. Rey had rebuilt Luke’s saber, carefully pouring some of her life Force into it and soldering the steel back together. This is where Rey first practiced Force healing. 

After healing Luke’s saber many months ago, Rey began to build a new hilt using the same scavenged materials from her staff to construct her very own weapon. With the instructions somewhat inscribed in the books and Leia's guidance, she was able to begin a new saber that was entirely her own. Rey had everything she needed, except her own crystal.

This is where she would always hit a dead end. The two known sources to find kyber crystals were no longer an option. Ilum had been turned into Starkiller Base and The Empire had mined all the kyber from Jedha.

All the other references to seeking crystals had been in the text that was barely legible, The Chronicles of Brus-bu. Thousands of years of wear and tear from passing down from one Jedi to the next had rendered this book near useless. The knowledge was just out of grasp for her to decipher. 

Rey squinted her eyes again at the book and could see Christo scratched into the parchment. Turning from the text to BB8 she asked him to show her the map of the galaxy. Since leaving Jakku, she started to keep track of all the planets she had visited, even if her journey was a lonely one now, she wanted to eventually find a place that felt like home. 

BB8 obliged and rolled backward to cast out the condensed map of the galaxy.

“Do any of these planets have Christo in their name?” she asked the round droid. 

An excited BB8 chirped back. There was one planet, Christophsis. Rey smiled and made her way to the cockpit. Sitting in the pilot’s chair, she set a course for the planet. Something whispered to her in the Force and she knew she was heading in the right direction. Jumping over the copilot chair to do the final checks before making the jump into hyperspace she sighed. 

“This would be so much easier if you were here with me, this ship isn’t the easiest to pilot alone.” Rey found that talking to Ben had been comforting. He had said he would always be with her, so Rey felt it necessary to speak to him as if he was.

Rey started having these conversations with herself and an imaginary Ben right after she left Chewy. At first, she was angry. Angry that she was alone, angry at her friends, angry that Ben made the decision to give his entire life force. Then her anger led to the sadness that was overwhelming and she would cry out for him, chanting over and over in her meditation ‘be with me’.

But Ben never answered. The silence Rey was met with shook her empty core. Somewhere along her journey she just started talking to him, pretending Ben was with her all this way. It made her heartache ease a little. 

“Making the jump to lightspeed.” Rey yelled back to BB8. She pressed down on the lever and stars streaked the window of the cockpit. The low hum of hyperspace never sounded so sweet. Rey always got a small thrill of flying this ship, the hairs on the back of her neck slightly stood in admiration of her place among the stars. 

As the faintest smile began to tug at the corner of Rey’s mouth, she felt a slight pull in her chest. A feeling that didn’t originate within herself. 

Turning to the entrance of the cockpit, Rey began to absentmindedly follow the string that pulled her. BB8 chirped concern but his inquiry had fallen on deaf ears.

Rey heard a sound coming from underneath the grate in the main hall. Lifting it she saw a small boy with black hair asleep beneath the floors of the ship. She thought her gasp woke him as he startled awake and began trying to quickly gather himself from the sleep that had overtaken him.

Just then she heard Chewbacca’s dull roar and Hans' voice. Rey realized that she had been pulled into a memory.

“Again Kid! Your mom is gonna kill us when she realizes you are off world.” Relief and then frustration radiated from Han. He helped the small boy out of the floor and threw him over his shoulder. The boy was laughing the whole way to the cockpit. Han wrestled the boy down and then placed him on his lap while sitting in the pilot's chair.

It felt like Rey didn’t breathe the whole time she was witnessing the memory. Tears filled her eyes and escaped down her cheeks as she watched the young boy begin to play with a pair of golden dice that hung from the cockpit. The small boy accidentally moved a lever during his trance to reach them. 

“Easy kid! One day this ship will be yours Ben, but let your old man enjoy it a little longer.” Han said. Reality hit and Rey realized that she was seeing Ben. She was getting a look into his past with Han. This was a happy memory.

Rey finally inhaled, almost giggling when the air hit her lungs. As she made the small noise the boy turned away from the window of the ship and looked right at her.

Young Ben Solo looked right into Rey’s eyes. The boy saw her. He climbed down from his father's lap and began to move towards her. Rey slowly kneeled to the floor to be on the same plane as him, never breaking eye contact with young Ben Solo.

Ben stopped right in front of her. They were face to face. Ben couldn’t have been more than 8 years old. Rey studied him, noticing all the birth marks across his face, his ears poking out from his hair and his adult teeth beginning to crowd his small mouth.

Rey smiled and Ben extended his hand. The gesture seemed so familiar. This time she didn’t think twice about taking it. 

The touch of their skin pulled Rey into Ben’s mind. She saw Ben crying out for his father as he watched the Falcon break atmosphere right outside of Hanna City. Rey saw him wait for hours past his bedtime so he could give his mother a hug because he hadn’t seen her since the day before. She saw Ben being raised by Threepio and how he would trick him in hide and seek, so he could sneak onto the Falcon and stay with Han and Chewy.

Rey saw Ben peeking out of his room to hear his parents fight about the fears they had of their child. She heard the voice of Snoke telling him that he would never have a place with his family, that he would never be enough. Rey felt the power of Palpatine's manipulation slowly taking root in Ben, instilling the doubt that the dark voices were right and that he would always be alone because no one understood him.

As the flood of memories crashed into her mind, Rey cried for the little boy in front of her who stayed stoic. She reached out and pulled him into her arms. 

“You’re not alone Ben!” She shakily cried out into the boy’s hair. Holding him to her in a tight, but tender way. She never wanted to let him go.

“And neither are you.” When Ben spoke, he sounded like he had in the hut on Ahch-To. His voice fully matured and in the deep baritone she craved to hear. Slowly pulling back, Rey looked at his face. It was now the same face she looked into the last time she saw Ben alive. 

“Rey. I am so sorry I left you. I know you’re angry with me, that you feel like I made that choice without considering you. I didn’t. You are the strongest person I have ever known. You fought the darkness in ways I never could. You saved everyone. You deserved better. I couldn’t live in a world without you. I’m still here, I just don’t know where here is.”

And just like that Ben was gone and Rey was sitting on the floor in the cockpit alone. That sweet sound of hyperspace bleeding back into her ears. She looked all around looking for some piece of evidence that he had been real. Once again, Ben Solo slipped right through her fingers. 

A thousand questions began running through her mind. Here. Where is here? Where are you? Did I feel you actually fade into the Force? Why haven’t you come to me like Luke? Are you not with the Force? Are you somewhere else? Can I bring you home?

That last question stung because Rey wanted to believe it so badly.

In her musing, the Falcon’s navigation systems started beeping, alerting her that she would be approaching her destination. Rey had completely forgotten where she was or what she was doing.

She had been lost to her tired heart and her buzzing mind, now turning over and over the possibility that there could be another way. Rey got to her feet and made her way back to the pilot’s chair.

As she slowly pulled the lever back to disengage the hyperdrive, the massive dark blue planet of Christophsis stood before her. Rey pinched at the bridge of her nose, attempting to release the pressure of her overstimulated mind.

Could she bring Ben Solo back? He had been with her just moments ago. He wasn’t like Luke had been on Ahch-To, Ben had been solid and real. She could still feel the heat of his skin on hers.

BB8 warbled that he noticed Rey was acting differently. She didn’t deny it. Rey considered where she was and what she could do.

They needed to finish the task at hand. Rey couldn’t bring Ben back and continue fighting with Luke and Leia’s sabers. She owed it to them to bring peace. Rey needed to forge her own connection.

Rey knew nothing about where she was going or what kind of a place this was, let alone what to do with a kyber crystal if she found one. She had a little more reading to do before she wanted to make planetfall. She needed to know everything about Christophsis from the charts.

Rey got up from her seat and headed back to her quarters, resolved to make the descent down after an evening of studies and good restful sleep. Something told her she would need all her strength tomorrow.

Tonight, she was to learn about the ground below her and hold the sweet sound of Ben's voice to her heart.


	4. The Quest for Balance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka begins Ben's training in the World Between Worlds, trying to find the balance between the light and the dark.

“You have the patience of a toddler Ben Solo!” Ahsoka chastised him. Ben was never one to have patience in meditation. All his life he acted. Acted out of fear yes, but still, he acted. 

Ben shot back, “This isn’t easy for me!” Ahsoka had been trying to get him to tap into the Force that surrounded them in this place, but Ben was struggling. 

Ahsoka took a deep breath and replied, “Nothing worth doing, ever is.”

Instead of retaliating with a comment, Ben just looked at the older woman and nodded. The weight of Ahsoka’s words were true on many levels, he couldn’t deny it. He mulled over the lesson and sighed. 

Since Ahsoka appeared here in this place, Ben had been relearning his connection to the Force that surrounded him. Ahsoka did not push an agenda to only accept the Jedi code, like Luke had many years ago. She wanted him to find the balance. 

Ahsoka wasn’t the typical teacher Ben thought he was encountering. She was very wise and patient and she certainly did not pretend to know everything. One of the traits Ben admired most about the woman was that she did not think the Jedi were always right. He could tell that she trusted the Force, but he could also tell that she wasn’t closed minded to other avenues outside the Jedi. 

There was something resembling hurt in her eyes when she talked about her previous teachings and what she had learned from her time as his grandfather's padawan. Ahsoka would often remind Ben that she was not a Jedi. Ben so desperately wanted to learn about his grandfather and Ahsoka's history. 

“Ben, the Force isn’t always about the light vs the dark. It’s about the balance. You can’t stand in the sun without casting a shadow.” Ahsoka continued, “Think back to your lessons with your Uncle and the lessons with Snoke. There is truth to gain from all your teachers, but to only believe in one side is to fall short.” 

“But the teachings of the Jedi and the Sith are so different,” Ben responded.

“The Jedi Order followed the code of selflessness and service. They were acting as peacekeepers of the light. The Sith coveted power partially because they believed that controlling others was the way to bring order to the galaxy. Both sides tried to maintain balance but were restricted to thinking there was only one side,” Ahsoka pointed out.

Ben was silent in thought until he responded, “You recognized that I have love for Rey. I am in love with her. The Jedi would never allow such attachment and the Sith would think of love as weakness. If there is truth in both then I am still wrong.” 

“Take right and wrong out of the equation,” Ahsoka replied. She took a deep breath and looked at Ben. “The Force bonded you both to each other. It foretold your destiny to come together and linked your souls. How else would two Force users on the opposite sides of a war commune civilly?”

“Civil is hardly how I would have put it at first,” Ben quietly replied. He thought back to the first time their bond opened. Rey had tried to shoot him point blank and he had tried to mind trick her into bringing him Luke. 

Looking back at Ahsoka, Ben realized she was waiting on him to elaborate. Ben grumbled “Rey tried to kill me when our bond began and we had our first connection.” 

Ahsoka smiled at Ben and replied, “That was not when your bond began. You have been bonded the whole time.” Ben just looked at her puzzled and needed to know more. 

“Ben, when you were 9, you felt a shift. That was because of Rey. You began to lose control of the power rising up in you when she was growing in her mother's womb. When you were 10, she was born. That is also when you went away to train with Luke. When you were 16 you felt an overwhelming amount of sadness, did you not?”

“I. . . I did. How -” Ben couldn’t grasp what Ahsoka was telling him.

“Your fear and hurt and longing for your family made you feel like they abandoned you. That is when Rey was left on Jakku. You both felt the same emotions,” Ahsoka pointed out. “You struggled with friendships at the Temple. Rey struggled with scavenging and staying alive.”

Ben looked down and identified the other half of himself, “Rey was always with me.”

Ahsoka nodded, “You both have always shared each other's emotions. She felt when you abandoned the light. She knew deep down within herself that something was not right when you turned to the darkside.” Ahsoka put her hand on Ben’s shoulder. Ben knew everything the woman had told him was true. Rey had always been a part of him. 

“I felt like I knew her, the first time I saw Rey in the forest on Takodana. Even before, when I had heard about a girl who evaded the First Order. I always dreamed about a girl, but could never bring myself to remember the dreams. They were clouded out. When I looked into Rey’s mind, I recognized her, but I was so angry that I was blind.” Ben had never told anyone that before. When he spoke to Ahsoka he was admitting it to himself out loud as well. 

“Do you now see? The Force has been guiding you all along. Even when you only answered the pull to the dark. Now knowing that you have been guided your whole life, tell me, what you believe the Force is. What is the balance to you?”

“It’s. . . everything?” Ben didn’t quite understand the question. He was reaching for an answer and Ahsoka knew it.

“Don’t give me an answer you think I want to hear, Ben,” Ahsoka took his hand and placed it on the surface next to him. “Close your eyes and listen to my voice. While listening, search your feelings, your fears, your loves. Find what makes you want to be better. Let it all flow through you.” As Ahsoka began passing her experience along, Ben stilled his thoughts and just opened up to her words.

“The Force is the energy that connects everything in the Universe,” Ahsoka’s calm voice began pushing Ben deeper into a meditation. He could see the Force surrounding everything, a translucent shimmer that was everywhere. “Our Living Force, which we can feel inside every life form, feeds into something so much bigger than we can even grasp. The Cosmic Force surrounds us, everything, at every moment, spanning across the Universe in every time and in every place.”

“Every time?” Ben asked. 

“Yes. Time is not a straight line,” Ahsoka replied. “Take this place, for example. We are in between every bit of time everywhere. This world between the living and the ones who have passed on, is where we can begin to tap into that Cosmic Force. All these ribbons of light that travel to different doors are gateways into each other. They are all connected.”

“So, we can look to the past, present and future within these doors?” Ben asked.

“Yes. Come with me. I think you’re ready.” Ahsoka began to lead the way in front of a mirror. Ben looked at himself and saw his reflection. He bore no sign of the battle he had been in. As he gazed at his reflection, he began to wonder how long he had been here.

Ahsoka motioned him to sit cross legged in front of the mirror. She slowly spoke, “Think about a memory from when you were a small boy. Pull from a time when you felt happy. Envision that memory from deep within and channel that peace.” Ben silenced his wandering mind and focused on his breath. He reached out from the space in his chest, envisioning it like a beam of light being cast out of him. 

He let the light fully surround him, pushing it out further and further until it offered a deafening silence that crowded out everything else. Engulfed in this peace, Ben opened his eyes and realized he was pulled back into a memory of his father. 

At first, Ben panicked, and began to recoil from the sight like a burning flame. After a moment, he let the wave of sadness crash, took a deep breath. Ben Solo did not shy away. He kept going forward and waited. He heard Ahsoka’s voice in his head, ‘Keep going and let the memory play out.’

When Ben was a child, being with his dad had always brought him deep happiness. He wanted to be just like his father, the best pilot in the galaxy.

Ben was pulled into a memory that started back when he was eight in his home in Hanna City on Chandrila. Young Ben was peeking out of his room and witnessing his dad grabbing his travel bag from beneath his parents’ bed. Han was getting ready to sneak out to go off on one of his missions. 

Threepio was charged to watch the small boy while Leia was working within the New Republic and while Han was being, well Han. The droid was the closest thing Ben had to a teacher and friend growing up.

During the lesson plan, young Ben tuned out and started thinking about ways he could go with his father. Threepio was trying to teach him about navigating star charts and the mathematical breakdown of relative distance theory. 

Young Solo had lost interest in the droid's teachings way before he heard his father's footsteps. Luckily for him, Threepio was so engulfed in the lesson plan he didn’t notice young Ben's lack of focus. 

The boy snuck away from the education room and watched down the hallway as his father gathered the last of his bags and slipped out the door. He was sad that Han hadn’t said goodbye and that he wasn’t going along. Young Ben decided to change that fate.

“Master Solo? Master Solo! You must complete your lessons before midday. Ugh, Princes- Senator Organa will not be pleased if you do not pass your quarter exams.” Threepio mechanically sped down the hall after the boy. The grin that came across Ben's face was still undetected from the droid.

“Please Threepio, I can’t take any more data upload. I want to play the hiding game!” Young Ben’s voice was high pitched and full of drama.

Feeling the pressure of wanting to please the small boy, Threepio replied, “Ugh, these lesson plans do not have games in them. I must assure you that we need to carry on with your education-”

“Please Threepio? Just for a little bit! Only one round! PLEASE?” The small boy begged.

“Well I supposed one round will not hurt. Only one round Master Solo! And hiding is restricted only to this floor. Afterwards, we go immediately back to learning.” Threepio had given into the young boys’ antics.

“Yay! I hide this time. You count to one hundred!” Young Ben ran away as Threepio began counting. He used the Force to open the door without making any noise and he was speeding down the apartment tower. 

Young Solo made his way down Embassy Row to the ship terminal which housed the Falcon. He slowly snuck around the maintenance droids and was gazing down right at the ship. His father and Uncle Chewbacca were looking over the Falcon and going through the exterior checks. 

They boy snuck onboard and hid below the main common room grate. He just needed to be silent long enough so when he was discovered there was no turning back. He curled into a ball and made himself as small as he could.

Young Ben heard the commotion above him as Han and Chewy boarded the ship and did the final checks. He felt the Falcon power up and disembark the bay. He made it! The boy felt a rush of satisfaction overwhelm him due to his success. 

His plan worked! He would need to stay hidden for a little bit longer. Sleep took over the boy not long after the Falcon broke the atmosphere. 

A loud clang and Uncle Chewie’s dull roar startled him awake. Looking up with wide eyes, young Ben saw his dad looking down.

“Again Kid! Your mom is gonna kill us when she realizes you are off world.” Relief and then frustration radiated from Han. He helped the boy out of the floor and threw him over his shoulder. Young Ben couldn’t help but laugh the whole way to the cockpit. Han wrestled him down and placed him on his lap while sitting in the pilot's chair.

The small boy loved seeing the stars streak across the window. He desperately wanted to fly and discover everything in the galaxy. He looked at his dad and couldn't wait to be able to fly with him on one of his adventures someday. Him, his Dad and Uncle Chewy would be the best flight crew the galaxy had ever seen.

Young Solo was looking all around, studying the controls. The lucky dice that now hung from the cockpit called to him, begging to be touched. They were the same dice that used to be hanging in his crib. The boy reached for them and accidentally moved a lever. 

“Easy kid!” Han gasped, “One day this ship will be yours Ben, but let your old man enjoy it a little longer.” Han played with young Ben’s hair. He was always doing little things like that that embarrassed Ben as a child. Even though he would have never admitted it, the boy loved the attention.

As Ben watched this memory play out in front of him, he felt happy. He could remember all the happy times he had sitting on his dad's lap in that ship. He missed his father. The shame and remorse began to creep in because of what he did. 

Before he could let the dark feelings of regret take over, he felt something else. Something that felt familiar. He felt that slight pull in his chest. A feeling that didn’t originate within himself. 

Rey.

Rey was standing in the cockpit, in his memory. Ben reached out and was pulled into his eight-year-old self. He turned away from the window of the ship and looked right at her.

He was looking right into Rey’s eyes and she was looking back. She saw him.

Ben climbed down from Han’s lap and began to move towards her. Rey slowly kneeled to the floor, never breaking eye contact with him.

There was something different about her. Rey looked like she hadn’t been living. She was pale and underweight. The circles under her eyes told him that she hadn’t slept. Despite how she appeared, Ben never wanted someone as badly. He burned from the inside looking at her. 

Rey smiled and Ben extended his small hand out to her. The gesture seemed so familiar. This time she reached back and took it.

The touch of their skin pulled Ben into Rey’s mind. Ben saw Rey crying out for her parents as they left her alone on Jakku. He saw her fighting other scavengers to secure rations so she did not starve. He felt her cry herself to sleep every night.

He was pulled into her dreams, and heard himself calling out to her. He realized that he had been with Rey her whole life too. He saw her scratching marks into the side of her dessert AT-AT home was not only to count the days since her parents left, but they also were counting down to something. Rey was scratching lines counting down to his arrival in her life.

As the flood of memories crashed into his mind, Ben tried to stay calm. He was afraid to break the trance he was in. Afraid to cut off this connection.

He missed her so much and so desperately wanted to hold her. Having her with him again was like fire to his soul. He felt alone without this connection. Rey reached out and pulled him into her arms. 

“You’re not alone Ben!” She shakily cried out. 

“And neither are you.” When Ben spoke, he no longer was the small boy. He was himself, the man who was glimpsing in on another time. Slowly pulling back, he looked into Rey’s eyes. 

Ben saw how alone Rey had been since he sacrificed his life force to save her. He felt Rey’s anger that he had left her. Ben believed he was saving Rey’s life so she could go on and be happy. He now saw that without the other half of herself, Rey would never be able to move forward. He had left, and he wished he could have stayed. 

“Rey. I am so sorry I left you. I know you’re angry with me, that you feel like I made that choice without considering you. I didn’t. You are the strongest person I have ever known. You fought the darkness in ways I never could. You saved everyone. You deserved better. I couldn’t live in a world without you. I’m still here, I just don’t know where here is.”

Tears cascaded down her face. He reached forward to take them away, but was jolted back.

Ahsoka pulled him out.

Ben hit the path with such force, it knocked the air from his lungs. The last thing he saw was Ahsoka’s face before the darkness took him under.


	5. Guiding Whispers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey begins her voyage to the surface of Christophsis, to seek her kyber crystal. What she encounters below will make her question where her journey continues.

Rey stayed up longer than she had intended, not because she was studying the texts, but because she didn’t want to risk being asleep if Ben returned. Turning to meditation, she reached out again, channeling the Force. 

Be with me. 

She reached farther than she had in the past. 

Through the Force, Rey felt the life forms on the planet below her, felt the ebb and flow in the atmosphere, felt the dark stillness of space. She searched deep within herself in the place the bond once existed, following it, grasping for anything that may lead her to him. Rey felt so much from all around her, but felt nothing of Ben. Nothing to signify his presence earlier had been real. 

Somehow the more she thought about it, the more Rey began to believe that her sleep deprivation had caused her to imagine it all. If Ben was still alive, she would know. She would feel it. Rey asked BB8 to recall what happened from his perspective. 

He relayed to her that she was walking around the halls of the ship and then came back to the cockpit and just kneeled down. He did not detect anything other than her acting odd like she had been for weeks. Rey was doubting herself.

From above, Christophsis looked like a planet of pure ocean with streams of green light sewn together. Rey had learned that the planet had a breathable atmosphere and she had felt from her earlier meditation that there were beings residing below.

As she passed the moon upon her descent, Rey could begin to make out the terrain below her. The blue she saw from above was actually layers of crystalline deserts, mountains and forests. It was beautiful. 

Rey was letting the Force guide her down. If she was going to find her kyber, she needed all the help she could get. Rey felt the pull to land on the western side of the planet. Something was there. A harmonic melody filled her mind, begging her to find its source.

As she began jumping into the landing preparations, Rey felt a warning deep within her gut. 

“Beebee-Ate, you stay with the Falcon. We don’t know what or who calls this place home.” The droid beeped in acceptance of her wishes. 

Rey began pulling a thick dark tunic over her head and goggles over her eyes. Although they defeated the Final Order, the First Order was still standing.

Generals who did not perish in the fight on Exegol were still rallying systems, striking fear and tyranny to worlds who had fallen victim before. The last thing Rey had heard was that the First Order was still advocating to its loyalists and the bounty Kylo had placed on her head had not been released. 

In Kylo’s time as Supreme Leader, he had showcased her face across the Holonet along with her resistance friends and painted them all as war criminals. According to the news, Rey was responsible for Snoke's death.

He had put her as galactic enemy number one. Kylo had promoted that the First Order was a just governing body and Rey would need to be captured alive in order to receive any bounty. ‘Fair Trial’ was how he had labeled it.

Worlds and individuals that were still loyal to the First Order posed a threat to her. 

Now with her identity concealed, Rey opened the hatch to the Falcon and stepped onto the planet. She could feel powerful light and powerful dark, just as she had felt on Ach-To. Kneeling down and touching the crystalline ground, she followed her instincts and headed north.

Rey navigated the terrain and kept putting one foot in front of the other, letting her feelings guide her.

When her muscles began to ache from the journey Rey sat down on a protruding rock, drinking a small sip from her canteen. The air was so crisp and clean that the purity almost stung her lungs.

This place was beautiful. When the sun hit the jagged spikes of crystals, Rey was surrounded by sparkling auroras wherever she looked. Deep colors constantly swirling around her, engulfing her in beauty. She took her goggles off to admire them without restriction. 

Rey stuck her hand out and let the rainbow hues dance across her skin. She sat and played with them for a few moments, letting the colors entrance her. The light blue reminded her of the sabers on her belt. She needed to keep going.

Rey began putting her belongings back in her pack to continue her journey forward. Just up ahead, some smaller crystals rolled outward, alerting her to the fact that she was no longer the only being on this path.

Reaching outward into the Force, Rey could sense other life forms all around her, observing her. She moved the slit of her cloak to rest just above her hip, granting her easy access to Luke’s saber if she had needed it. 

Pressing on in her journey, determined not to stop any longer, Rey reached a plateau on the side of the mountain that gave way to a thick forest. She was surrounded. The creatures had not yet made themselves visible but Rey could feel them circling her like prey.

She could sense that they were not a human species, their movements screamed through the Force in a mix of flutters like wings and long limbs. Rey began to hear a tak-tak-tak noise coming from all directions. The echoes bouncing back and forth in front of the trees to the mountain. She was trapped. 

Just then she saw her opponents. Large insectoid creatures with multiple heads and long saw blade limbs that doubled for weapons. The kyaddak creatures were huge and closing in on her.

Rey stepped back on her right foot and grabbed Luke’s saber, igniting it and showing no fear to the creatures. Before the saber was fully activated the kyaddaks were on her, commencing their attack. 

Rey jumped upward slicing at the legs that reached to her from all directions. She met every one of their attacks with the quick swift stroke of her blade. The creatures screamed in pain as she hacked at their limbs. One by one Rey was taking them down, but they kept advancing. 

As the bodies began piling on top one another, Rey’s strength began to die out. Almost being able to sense her weariness in this fight, the kyaddaks doubled their efforts. One insectoid landed a harsh blow to her leg, blood quickly staining the edges of her now torn pants.

Rey was losing ground. The next hit on her came from behind, forcing her to lose her balance and have Luke’s saber knocked from her hand.

As Rey reached for Leia's saber on her belt, she encountered another attack. The mere seconds without a weapon ignited, she was struck from her front and thrown several meters back. Now both weapons were knocked from her grasp. She reached within the Force to compel Leia's saber to her but was seized by a larger kyaddak and held in place, immobilized.

The anger that penetrated her spirit was boiling over and as Rey struggled against the large beast she screamed, channeling all her strength that she had left.

Lightning erupted from Rey’s limbs and into all the creatures left. 

They flew away from her, being catapulted back by the Force of the electricity. They weren’t all destroyed. As Rey knelt to the ground gasping for air, she once again felt the shock from the dark that had consumed her and bled out from her extremities.

The insectoids stirred and slowly backed away from her. They seemed to look to the trees instead of at her, like they were waiting for the next command.

The biggest kyaddak emerged from the forest and was making its way to Rey. She felt a sting in her mind, these beings were Force sensitive, and the leader was trying to look into her head. 

Resisting the intrusion, Rey shot back against the creature's power. When he noticed she would not falter, he stopped his descent towards her and began to question her telepathically. 

‘What brings you to this place girl?’ The creature's voice was deep and haunting. He was now sizing Rey up, trying to observe any of her weak points he missed while she was battling the others. Rey could sense that he was prepared to strike if needed. 

“I am Rey of Jakku, I come seeking a kyber crystal to bring forth my saber to create the true extension of myself.” Her voice rang through proud and strong. 

‘Greedy imposter! You already possess kyber, you have two crystals who beckon to your wishes. Why do you seek more?’ The large beast's voice was heavy in contempt for her. Rey felt the discord through her telepathic link. 

“These sabers do not belong to me! They call to be laid to rest with their masters. They call for peace, but this galaxy is far from peace. I need my very own crystal so I can help maintain the light.”

‘I sense both light and dark within you. You wield both. You are neither a true Jedi, nor a true Sith. You are within the Grey. You neither serve the light or dark, you serve the balance.’

“I am all the Jedi and I have defeated the Sith. I died to protect the light and was brought back to continue protecting it.” The creature probed again into her head and Rey allowed him to find what he was seeking. 

‘You were brought back by sacrifice from both the light and the dark. The true sacrifice. Your journey is far from over. You may pass, but know that if the kyber you seek does not seek you, we will put an end to your life and Ben Solo will not be available to save you.’

Ben. The air left Rey's lungs. The creatures began turning away from her. In her defiance she began briskly walking towards their leader. 

“What do YOU know of Ben Solo?” Rey practically screamed in an accusatory tone. She meant to sound strong but her question hung in the air with a fearful desperate tone masked by anger. The kyaddak soon looked at her with his many eyes and whispered into her mind. 

‘The belonging you seek is not behind you. It is ahead. No one is ever really gone. Continue your quest and pray we don’t meet again.’ 

The beast backed into the dense forest, his many loyal creatures following. Maz’s words rang in her head. Rey hadn’t considered the meaning behind them. Maybe Maz knew all along.

Rey was again left with more questions than she had when the sun broke the horizon. She retrieved the sabers, collected herself and started sprinting the rest of the way up the mountain. 

Rey came to a halt when she happened upon an old corpse, nothing but bones left. As she began to move past the large skeleton, she heard a faint whisper. 

Rey

Turning towards the sound, Rey saw a point in the mountain which looked to be caved in. She reached out into the Force and moved the crystal boulders that stood in her way. Determined to find the source of the voice she started to venture inside.

The sun did little to aid her in seeing how deep this cavern was, but Rey felt like the whisper was guiding her, trying to suggest that she go further in. She dropped her pack and took only the sabers and staff inside. 

Igniting Luke’s blade once again, Rey slowly made her way down the passage using the weapon to illuminate her next steps. She made her way deep inside the belly of the mountain, a steep waterfall running alongside the far rim of her path. She peered over to glance how steep the descent was. At the bottom, Rey could see the glitter of something. The crystalline rock below her shimmered in the light of her blade.

She could feel the pull of the Force in this cavern. It was so strong Rey felt as if it were a live tangible being, speaking to her, just louder than an audible whisper. Closing her eyes to heighten her senses, Rey let herself be lost to the ebb and flow of the power in this place. She felt weightless, like floating on a different plane. Her feet left the ground. 

Rey

“Ben!”

She opened her eyes and descended a few feet down from the air she was floating in. The echoes of her cry bouncing off the walls in tandem with her heartbeat. Ben. Ben. Ben.

Looking all around for the one person she desired most, Rey found that she was now standing in front of a large wall. She looked up, backing away slowly to take in how high it was.

This seemed taller than the mountain itself. Rey stumbled and fell back, losing her balance on a human skeleton that had been behind her. Reaching for her saber, Rey soon found that the skeleton was not a threat. She had disturbed the bones as they lay resting. 

Silently cursing herself, Rey found her footing and rose up. The skeleton cradled a chest next to it. The ancient box was open and empty. Rey looked around for any clues. 

Rey

The voice was coming from the wall. She approached it and could make something out about twenty feet up. Using her scavenger instincts, Rey began to scale the edges of the structure, slowly making her way up.

Sweat now beading on her forehead, she reached up and pulled her legs into a small crevice just big enough for her to rest her knees against. With her weight stabilized, Rey looked into the black glass wall.

Rey could see her reflection staring back at her. She could see the circles that had made their home under her eyes. Her collar bones protruding from her neck. Her disheveled hairstyle that was once neatly done. Rey saw years of her life taken from her, in only a matter of weeks. Her reflection made her uneasy. The woman who looked back was a stranger. 

Rey

The voice coming from a few feet above her. Rey reached up and felt something cold and smooth against her fingertips. She felt the slight weight of something oblong, paralleled with great power. It was singing to her, calling her home.

The Force hummed as Rey closed her hand around the small object, pulling it down to her. When she gazed into the palm of her hand, Rey looked upon her very own kyber crystal.


	6. Reclaimed Pieces of the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka encourages Ben to heal a piece of his past.

“Rey?” Ben whispered as he stirred from the darkness of sleep. The last thing he remembered was still foggy in his mind. Rey had been in his arms. He still felt the warmth on his skin where they had touched. 

“Ahh, you're finally awake. Took you long enough.” Ahsoka quipped. She was standing over him, arms folded and by her tone of voice, she didn’t seem too happy with what had transpired. 

“How- How did that happen?” Ben got to his feet and began pacing back and forth as he asked his questions. “Rey saw me. She and I connected through a memory. How was that possible?” He had seen Rey and she had seen him. He was so happy, but the elation he felt didn’t stop him from inquiring how it happened. 

Ahsoka shook her head and tried to concentrate before answering, “You both are a dyad. There is much surrounding your bond that, quite honestly, I don’t know. You both have a strong connection and are tied together. It seems only logical that you can both communicate from here, but you are both not ready to be reunited yet.”

“Not ready? You are the one who pulled me out! Did you know that could happen?” Ben asked. 

“Many years ago, when I first entered this place, I was pulled in by a young Jedi named Ezra. I was facing Darth Vader and as my life was about to end, he reached through a window and pulled me into here.” Ahsoka was looking off into the vast expanse of stars that surrounded them. 

“So, I can reach through and pull Rey into this place?” Ben asked. 

Ahsoka turned back to face him and sighed, “Good questions, for another time.”

“Another time? Ahsoka, I need to get back to her. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. She is alone and I could see that she isn’t happy. Rey is so strong but she is hurting. Please tell me, is this how we can get back to one another?” Ben kept pressing his questions. 

“Soon Ben Solo. You are not ready yet. Trust me when I tell you that neither of you are ready. You both are unbalanced and will not find your way back to each other until the Force wills it. I know patience is something that has never been your friend but please trust that if you act too soon it will be the end for you both.”

“The end for us both?” Ben's eyes were wide with disbelief. 

“Yes,” Ahsoka replied. “This place is a stepping stone to what comes next. You both have incredible power that runs in your veins. Use it wisely and don’t act on your selfish desires. That attachment you seek, that need to be with each other again, it will turn on you both if you act prematurely.” Ahsoka was trying to reason with him.

“So, all you can say is to keep on this path and trust that it will lead me back to Rey.” Ben finally began to accept that he needed to be patient. 

Ahsoka nodded, “Keep on this path and it will lead you both to each other. But beware, if you connect before you are both ready, you will both pass on into eternal darkness.” 

Ben’s eyes went wide as he looked at Ahsoka and nodded back. His face fell to the ground as he felt helpless. There was nothing he could do but wait. He sat back down and held his face in his hands.

The fear of the unknown whispered dark thoughts in Ben’s head. He shut his eyes tight, trying to silence the voice inside him that was his own self-doubt. Years of Snoke’s conditioning were hard to erase.

Sensing the dark wave of emotion in her student, Ahsoka bent down on one knee and placed her hand on his shoulder. “Come now. We need to find something that you discarded in your life. We need to heal another part of your past.”

Ahsoka stood and extended her hand to Ben. He took it and she helped Ben up. Ahsoka tried to lighten his mood with a small smile. From the way Ben’s eyes were glazed over, she could tell that her reassurance did little to calm the storm of emotions inside him.

She turned and began walking down the ribbon of light, prompting him to follow. Ahsoka hoped that his next act would be enough to distract him from dwelling on the darkness inside. 

As the pair were walking down the paths of dim light, Ben could hear the voices stirring all around him again. Unlike the first time, they weren’t from his haunting past. They were voices from all over the galaxy. 

Yoda: “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. I sense much fear in you.”

Qui Gon: “Remember: Your focus determines your reality.”

Obi-Wan: “It takes strength to resist the dark side. Only the weak embrace it.”

Ahsoka: “If there’s one thing I’ve learned from you, master, it’s that following direct orders isn’t always the best way to solve a problem.” 

“That was you!” Ben said to Ahsoka. 

“Yes,” she replied. “Very long ago.”

“You were talking to my grandfather. To Anakin Skywalker.”

Ahsoka laughed and replied, “Yes. He was my master and the only person I felt believed in me no matter what.”

“I thought he was the most feared man in the galaxy.” Ben stated. 

Ahsoka let out another laugh, “He wasn’t a typical Jedi, his methods were always a little – reckless. But when I knew him, he never gave up and always helped those who needed it. I left before his fall to the dark side. Honestly, I never believed he could fall to the dark. He was the greatest influence of the light in my life. He taught me everything.”

“You knew him before he became Vader.” Ben had never had a casual conversation about him like this. “What happened to him that made him turn?”

“Fear I suppose,” Ahsoka responded. “Fear always boils down to two things: Not getting what you want or losing what you already have. The dark side manipulates us all and for Anakin, it offered him a solution to his fears. In the end, he was betrayed by the dark and couldn’t escape it.” 

“What was it like, having him as your teacher?” Ben asked.

Ahsoka smiled recalling her past, “He taught me not to see the world so black and white like most of the Jedi Order did. Anakin was always thinking out of the box, and his spontaneity kinda rubbed off on me.”

Ben could see that. She was not like his Uncle and not like what he described all other Jedi to be. Ben wondered why she hadn’t stayed with him, “Why didn’t you follow Anakin when he turned?”

“I was no longer a part of the Jedi Order when he fell to the dark side. I felt it though. I felt his conflict when he closed the door to the light. I didn’t know he had become Darth Vader until years later. I had thought he perished in Order 66.” Ahsoka reflected on the past as she answered Ben's questions. She often wondered if she could have done something different in the last days before the siege of Mandalore. Maybe if she had begged Anakin to stay with her, he would have.

Sensing that Ahsoka was lost in thought Ben asked, “Why weren’t you a part of the Order anymore?” He wanted to know more.

“I left,” Ahsoka simply stated. Knowing this wouldn’t be enough to quiet Ben’s questions she continued, “I believed the Jedi Order had lost its purpose during The Clone Wars. I was framed for a crime I didn’t commit and felt that the Order was quick to dismiss me rather than fight for me. Anakin was the only one who fought for my innocence within the Order. He believed in me. When the truth was brought to light and the real person behind it was prosecuted, the Order had offered me back my place. They had claimed that the hardships I faced were my trials. After that, I knew I needed to walk away. I no longer wished to be a part of it because I believed they had lost their way.”

Anakin: "You never would have made it as Obi-Wan's padawan, but you might make it as mine."

Ahsoka's eyes began to swell up with tears that threatened to escape. She missed and loved Anakin. He was her brother, her friend. 

Trying to shake the emotions that had overcome her Ahsoka pushed on. “Enough about my past. We are here to find something from yours.”

They approached a circular doorway. Ben looked into it and saw a swirling mass of water turning into an angry sea. 

He saw a red and blue light battling back and forth. This seemed familiar. The Death Star wreck. This was moments before he had let go of Kylo Ren. 

“This series of moments, this is where everything changed.” Ben said as he watched the scene unfold before him. 

Ben watched as Kylo and Rey attacked each other with violent ferocity. Their blows coming closer and closer to each other. They could both see each other's moves before they made them. He watched as they threw their Force energies at one another, hoping to gain some sort of advance. He felt the anger that had risen up Kylo and Rey during the attack. 

He saw from the distance that Rey was weakening as Kylo’s brute force was wearing her down. He watched Rey collapse on her knees in front of his former self. Kylo lifted his saber, ready to bring it down on the woman before him. Ben had wondered that if in this moment, if Leia had not reached out, if he would have struck Rey down. 

Ben felt his mother call him to the light. The life and love and hope and forgiveness she sent to him tore through him once again, just as it had Kylo. 

He watched Kylo’s saber fall from his hand, only to find Rey’s as she ignited the stolen blade and run it through him. 

Ben watched as his former self collapsed onto the ground as Rey took in the loss of Leia. 

He watched Rey kneel before him, searching for something within his eyes. She assessed that his wound was fatal. He watched and felt Rey’s resolve to heal him. He felt all the energy around the two of them on that wreck, felt her pull from all the life in the violent ocean, but he mostly felt her pull from herself. 

When she pulled back Ben was able to see the pieces of himself heal before his eyes. He saw his scar disappear along with the darkest parts of himself. He heard Rey breath out, “You were right. I did want to take your hand. Ben’s hand.” 

Ben watched as the last remaining shards of Kylo Ren stood and watched the woman who was his other half disappear in his ship. He walked over to the edge of the wreck, gazing out into the ocean. A million questions on his mind. 

Ben knew what came next. His Father. This was the final straw to close the door on the darkness that had overwhelmed him for so long. Ben turned away from the door to let Kylo have this moment. He knew when he looked back through, Kylo Ren would be dead. 

Tears began to stream down Ben’s face. The memory of his dad still held all the power to enable Ben to be a better man, but the regret he carried over the past didn’t lessen. Ahsoka looked over and put her hand on Ben’s shoulder. “Your family never gave up; they always knew you would find your way back to the light.”

“I just wish I had done things differently. I know it led me to this point, but I killed them all. If I hadn’t turned to the dark, they would all be alive. Mom. Dad. Luke. They would have ended the First Order and the Emperor long ago. They would have saved us all the years of darkness that I kept the galaxy in.” The self-pity in Ben’s voice was palpable. 

“They forgave you Ben. In your darkness, you found Rey. I felt responsible for Anakin when I found out what he became. I had abandoned him when I turned my back on the Order. I carried that guilt with me for a long time. There are moments when I still do. All our actions, good, bad and indifferent have a ripple effect on the universe. They have an effect on the Living Force inside us which feeds the Cosmic Force. We cannot live or stay stuck in the past; we can’t let it haunt our present. If we do then we have given up long ago.” 

Ben looked at Ahsoka in frustration and asked, “Is this the lesson you were trying to teach me today? That I need to heal my past?” 

The door behind them hissed as something shot through and clamored down at Ben’s feet. His lightsaber. He looked down at it in shock and then looked back at Ahsoka. She had a hint of a smile on her face.

Ben's gaze returned to the saber at his feet. He had discarded it when he killed the last darkness of Kylo Ren within him. This saber reminded him of all the lives he had taken, all the blood on his hands. The memory that stuck out beyond all of them was his Father’s callous hand on his cheek as he met this blade. 

“Yes,” Ahsoka replied. “But not in the way you thought. Your crystal is part of your past, and you Ben Solo, need to heal it.”

“How can you heal something that has caused nothing but chaos and destruction?” Ben asked. Out loud he was referring to the saber at his feet, but inwardly he was referring to himself. 

“Forgiveness.” Ahsoka knew the double meaning behind his question, “Your crystal is a part of you. It is a manifestation of your connection to the Force. You have been taking the steps forward leading you to this moment Ben. Reach out and heal this part of yourself. Cleanse your crystal of all the darkness. In doing so you will be cleansing a part of you.”

Ben reached down and picked the weapon up. He almost expected it to burn in his hands, instead he felt the discord from his crystal within the chamber. He felt all the screams and cries this blade had caused when Kylo Ren was wielding it. He sat, cross legged and levitated the saber in front of him.

Closing his eyes Ben began to meditate and disassemble the hilt. Piece by piece, he removed all the parts of the saber until the chamber was revealed and his kyber crystal was released from the castings. Its crimson hue screamed out, begging to be healed. 

Ben opened his eyes and held out his hand. The crystal descended until it was nested in the base of his palm. Ben sighed, “It’s impossible to heal the effects of a bled kyber crystal. The harmony has been snuffed out.” 

Ahsoka responded by igniting her sabers. The white blades were all the proof he needed. “Nothing’s impossible Ben.” Ahsoka said.

“How can you heal a crystal that has been bled?” Ben asked Ahsoka.

She powered down her blades and said, “Just as you healed Rey. You give.” The way Ahsoka had said it made it seem like it was the easiest thing in the galaxy. “Give your crystal the energy you now possess. Give it some of your light.”

Ben closed his eyes and brought his attention to his breath. He concentrated on steading his inhale and exhale.

When he felt centered he closed his hand around the crystal that was in his palm. Ben poured his light into it. Again, he tapped into the reservoirs he had only just discovered within himself. Ben gave some of his light to his crystal that he had held in the dark for so long. 

The crystal was singing back, accepting all that Ben was giving with gratitude. His hand glowed. At first the crimson light leaked through his fingers, but soon the crimson faded and illuminated a light shade of purple.

The air around Ben began to charge with the crystal, it shifted from the purple shade to a bright white beam radiating from within his hand. The white began to fade and again the crystal called out as it transformed to a shade of radiant gold. 

Ben opened his eyes and uncurled his hand revealing his golden kyber. The crystal felt in tune with him. It was life and love and hope and forgiveness. It was peace. It was the part of him that reminded him of his mother, his father, his uncle, his other half. This crystal was now pure and full of light.

Ben released the crystal from the palm of his hand and began rebuilding the saber. The now healed crystal sat perfectly in the new energy chamber. The focusing crystals no longer split the blade into cross hairs. He continued constructing his new saber piece by piece. 

With the Force, Ben channeled the cool metal pieces together one by one until he felt the balance within his weapon. The saber now reflected the balance he was now starting to feel within. He no longer needed his cross guards to tame the volatility of his plasma blade. When he reached out and held the weapon in his hand, it felt like home. 

Ahsoka smiled down at him. She had seen many younglings build their sabers during her time at the Jedi Academy, but she was beyond proud to have witnessed this reunion. Ben looked at Ahsoka, his eyes portraying an unspoken question.

“Yes Ben. It is time. Ignite your saber and finish healing this piece of your past,” Ahsoka replied.

Ben stood and held the cool metal in his hand. He activated the power adjust and his golden blade sang to life. Another part of his dark past was now corrected.


	7. Standing in the Shallows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey visits an old friend in hopes of finding answers.

The path back down the mountain had been quiet. The kyaddaks did not stand in Rey’s way, and she faced no other adversaries on her descent.

When Rey reached BB-8 and the Falcon, she powered up the ship and quickly raced off the planet. Back in the dead of space without anything to distract her, she pulled the crystal from her breast band. It felt cool, but familiar, in the palm of her hand. Something about this shard of kyber felt right, like it was waiting for her.

Rey could hear the tune it sang. A low melody, somber but comforting. Almost like it shared the same fate as her, left behind only to be rediscovered.

From what Rey had read in the texts, a Jedi must bond with their crystals before they complete the process of uniting it within the saber’s confines. Unfortunately, the old books gave no dictation on how one would go about that process.

Now suspended in space, Rey switched the Falcon over to a low power mode and drifted among the galaxy. She retired to her quarters on board and turned to meditation, seeking the Jedi that went before her once again. 

Be with me. 

At some point during her quiet contemplation, Rey fell into a trancelike sleep. She dreamt of a lush humid forest that she had been to before. She looked upon herself as she fled a castle and into a deep tree line. When she first arrived on Takodana, she had never known there was that much green in the whole galaxy. Rey would never leave that planet the same.

‘The belonging you seek is not behind you. It is ahead.’ Opening her eyes, Rey jumped up and set a course for the familiar world. Maz would know what to do next. 

As Rey descended down to Takodana, she found the forgotten structure of the old castle. It was still in ruin, reduced to large pieces of boulders. The main foundation was still intact, but now it supported all the debris.

Rey set the Falcon down a good distance away from the ruins and stepped out into the humid planet once again.

She let the memories flood over her from the last time she was standing in this spot. Rey smiled and reached for the blaster at her side that Han had given her. He had extended her a place in his family before anyone else had. Even if it was just a job to Han Solo when he offered her to become part of the crew, she felt like it was much more.

Rey shifted her memories into the present and headed towards the still standing bricks. The walk down was so easy compared to the climb up the rubble to the entrance.

Rey was startled when she heard the familiar voice call out, “Rey! The Jedi of the resistance. I knew you would come here.”

“Maz! I- I need your help,” Rey replied. She was not surprised that Maz knew she would come.

“Yes, and I need yours. Come here now child, help me clear away this mess.” Maz turned and raised her hands at the disarray around them.

Lifting rocks, Rey thought. Her questions could wait as she assisted her friend in rebuilding her home. Rey didn’t mind the labor. It was a nice distraction from the slow dive into insanity she was feeling.

Maz was good company. She didn’t try to push any conversation and Rey was grateful for it. The two women worked in silence under the hot humid sun for days. The natural music of the land and the drive to rebuild were the only harmonies needed. 

It took about 10 working days to get things back to a suitable fashion. Maz would set the mortar and Rey would move the next pieces in place. The two women made a brilliant team working together. The entrance way was beginning to look more like she had remembered. Maz’s statue welcomed all who walked through the gates once more.

Soaked through with sweat under the high sun, Rey quietly moved the last of the giant boulders in front of her. The castle was now complete. 

As she stepped back to admire the hard work, Rey heard her companion exhale deeply. The look of homecoming in Maz’s eyes was a sight to behold. Rey was grateful she had played a part in the joy radiating from Maz.

“I have run this old watering hole for centuries. I have never been more excited to see what the future holds.” Maz’s smile was contagious. She stepped back and turned to Rey, “Now, come with me. Down to the water. All this work has made me fancy a dip.” 

Rey followed Maz down, and watched as the woman slid her belt and bracelets off. Fully clothed, Maz jumped in head first with her arms stretched above her. She didn’t emerge to the surface for what seemed a few seconds longer than normal. When she broke the liquid plane, she was laughing and beckoning the girl to join her. 

“I don’t really know how to swim,” Rey yelled out.

“It’s easy,” Maz replied. “You just float and let the water carry you.”

Trusting the woman, Rey unclipped her leather belt and bands. She took off her boots and pulled off her capelet and top layers. Now unafraid to ruin her clothing, Rey slowly dipped into the cool lake. She walked out several feet until she strained to keep her balance on the rocky bottom. When the water became almost as deep as her height, she moved her arms and tried to stay afloat, but her head sunk under the surface every time.

The eerie fear of the cave on Ahch-To came creeping back in. She did not know how one can swim without drowning. Sending the disturbance, Maz made her way back to the shallows. 

Maz began to demonstrate, “Much like the Force, the water can carry you. Close your eyes. Let it flow all around you. Let the feel of it on your skin completely envelop your body and soul. Now, throw your head back and be lost in the waves of blue. Let the water surround you and trust that it will protect you, if you relax and give into it.”

Rey let Maz’s voice be her guide. Slowly reiterating, in action, the simple directions laid out before her, she dipped her head back. She let the cool sensation of the lake take over her.

It was silence under the surface, the wind slowly kissing her face. With the sun directly overhead, Rey felt like she was blinded by the wonder of the float.

Closing her eyes, Rey saw the ring of the bright sun, stained on her lids. The ring began to transform and Rey felt like she was walking through it. She vaguely felt like she was swallowed up by the wet coolness of the lake.

Once again, Rey saw the trail of dark pathways ringed in light around her, just as she had when she would dream about the afterlife. Instead of shying away, Rey opened her mind to this place and was being carried in perfect harmony with the strange world. Still feeling weightless, she explored the new surroundings. The doors of time lead down every path. 

“Rey”

“Ben?” she barely whispered his name. She saw a tall broad figure, facing away from her, standing in front of one of the mirrors. She began moving towards him without actually using her legs. She was being pulled to Ben.

Tears began falling from her face as Rey reached out with her feelings. The bond once again alive and pulsing within her soul. Just before she closed the gap between them, he turned.

Their eyes locked and Ben fell to his knees before her. Rey reached out and touched his face, trying to find the solid proof that Ben was actually with her. 

“Rey. How- How are you here?” His voice. It was real. Tangling her fingers into Ben’s hair she pulled him to her. Wrapping her arms around him and pulling him into a tight embrace. 

“I- I don’t know,” Rey tried to recall. “The last thing I remember is-”

Rey looked up at the round window they were in front of. She saw herself submerged in the water, Maz pulling at her. She looked down at Ben, her brows tightened in confusion. Her body was drowning in the lake on Takodana and she couldn’t do anything but watch.

Ben realized it too. Quickly gathering himself to his feet, Ben expressed, “You aren’t supposed to be here. We aren’t ready yet! Rey, you need to go back!” The emotion was heavy in his voice. He was struck with fear. Ben began moving her towards the frame. Rey started to protest. He was making that choice again for her.

Rey resisted, “No! You saved me but I am unbalanced. Ben, I feel the darkness in me rising. I don’t want to do this without you! We had just found each other. Please, come with me.” 

Tears were spilling from Rey’s eyes. Ben wanted nothing more than to stay at her side. Instead he responded, “I can’t. This place isn’t done with me. We both need to find the balance before-”

“This place?” Rey asked, “What is this place Ben? Why won’t you come with me? Why did you leave me? Please, come home with me. Please. Be with me.”

He smiled. A stray tear escaped his eye. Taking her face in his hands, he closed the space between them and brought his lips down to meet hers.

Time stood still again when their lips connected. Rey never wanted this moment to end.

Taking a breath back and breaking the connection, Ben looked into her eyes and whispered, “It has always been you Rey. You were the only one who saw me. Under everything, you saw me. You helped me find my way home. Back to the light. We are so close, but this isn’t the way. Don’t forget, you are never alone, you have me with you always. In here.” He placed his hand over her heart. Rey placed her hand over his, closing her eyes and relishing in the sensation of his skin on hers.

She looked back into his eyes once more, registering what he said. Just as she began her rebuttal, she was pulled back into the window. She clasped onto him, grasping at anything of him to bring Ben with her or keep her with him. She didn’t care. She only wanted Ben.

She was thrown back into her body on Takodana. The moment she came back to herself, the water she was submerged in exploded. It shot out from all directions rising up some twenty feet into the air. Maz was thrown back with it. 

Rey gasped for air as the oxygen hit her lungs, harsh and sharp. She looked down to her body, now standing in the shallows and instantly began looking all around her for Ben. She noticed a small tear of black fabric in her hand. Ben’s sleeve.

It had been real. She had brought a piece of Ben back. He wasn’t gone like she had feared. Cradling the fabric to her heart, Rey let her thoughts send praise into the Force. If she could bring this small piece back, she could bring Ben back as well.

A small gurgling noise coming from the shore broke Rey from her thoughts. Maz.

Rey began scrambling towards the older woman. “Maz! Maz are you alright? I’m so sorry! Are you hurt?”

“Child,” Maz responded between coughs, “I am over a thousand years old; you will not be the death of me.” Looking more into Rey, Maz saw something. “Where did you just go? There is something different about you. One moment you were here and the next, your signature in the Force vanished. What happened?” 

“I don’t know but I was with Ben.” Rey responded. This made Maz’s eyes widen and the look of shock on her face was apparent. 

“Ben Solo. That is a boy who I miss dearly.” Maz said. She gathered herself and sat next to Rey on a rock near the water. The two women talked till the sun went down. 

Rey told her everything, holding back no details. From the very beginning when she would dream of a man who she did not yet know, to the moment she awoke in his arms. She told her how his absence made her feel unbalanced, how she could not let go.

Rey told her how Ben was still guiding her every move, whether he meant to or not because without him she didn’t know what came next. She told Maz about the memory aboard the Falcon and where she had just gone. Rey told her that she believed Ben was stuck somewhere in between.

The older woman listened to everything. Maz held Rey as she cried and comforted her, reminding her that nobody is ever really gone. 

When they went inside Maz told Rey about young Ben Solo. How Han would take Ben with him on harmless missions and they would always stop at her castle. She would find him rummaging around in her crypts, playing with ancient artifacts.

Maz told her how he wanted to be a pilot just like his father and how he would tell anyone in the cantina that he was the future owner of the Millennium Falcon. Fastest ship in the galaxy, that made the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs. 

Rey laughed as she ate her dinner, hanging on every word the older woman said. Maz told her that Ben was self-conscious of his ears and would always throw a fit when Threepio tried to cut his hair. Maz said that Leia was the only one who could hold young Ben Solo during his nightmares and tantrums, that he would cling to Leia like life itself.

Maz told her all about young Ben Solo and the squabbles he would get himself into as a child. 

The two women both shared their memories of Ben Solo and sought comfort in each other. The next morning Rey awoke to Maz meditating in her garden behind the castle. Rey carefully approached and sat next to her. 

“Why did you come here Rey? I know it wasn’t to help an old fool like me put this place back together. What brought you to me?” Maz stirred from her trance and was now looking into Rey's eyes like she was staring into her soul. 

“Luke and Leia’s sabers need peace. They call to be rested. I found my kyber crystal, but I don’t know how to bond with it. I figured you would know what I would need to do. You have been here for everything, seen the Jedi Order grow and change over the thousand years you have lived. Please, tell me. What do I do next?”

Maz smiled and replied, “The crystal you found, it also sought you. By itself, the crystal is just a rock. It calls to be one with the Force, just how you call to be one with the balance. You heard its melody. You came to its calling. Hold it close to you and listen to it. Only then will you both be attuned to each other and it will be ready. A Jedi's lightsaber is more than just a weapon, it is a manifestation of your connection to the Force.”

Rey gathered the crystal from her breast band and held it in her hand, closing her eyes. She listened to the vibration, aligning her own with it.

Maz felt the energy shift in the air around them, the crystal rising from her palm and dancing within the song. She watched for hours as the pale kyber inches above Rey's palm illuminated, changing tones.

Moving from the clear white to a dark purple that enveloped the edges. Then a blue hue began to escape and blend with the purple. Maz still sensed the charge in the atmosphere, she watched the blue fade to a green shade that shimmered among the planet's tree line.

At last, Rey tightened her brows and exhaled. As the sun began to hide over the horizon the crystal glowed a radiant gold and then descended to her skin. Rey opened her eyes and looked upon the new bond she had forged. 

“I have never seen a Jedi bond with their crystal. I heard stories that it could take up to three days to be joined. I am impressed it only took you one. Quickly, you must complete your saber.” 

Rey pulled out the hilt she had constructed. Opening up the reactor chamber focusing her concentration on not accidentally inverting the emitter matrix. That was the one warning she made out from the Jedi texts. With the emitter shroud, emitter matrix and main activator all connected, she sealed up the hilt.

Once again, Rey reached into the Force and held her weapon, skidding her thumb on the activator wheel. The weapon sang to life and when Rey opened her eyes, she saw a golden blade in her hands. 

“A golden lightsaber. It fits you. You are now the keeper of the balance. It will take care of you and bring you home.” Rey deactivated the golden blade and looked to Maz. A smile began to pull at her lips for a task she never thought she would complete, but was soon replaced by sadness. Home she thought. Where is home?

“Maz, where do we lay Luke and Leia’s sabers to rest? I think they want to stay together. I just don’t know where to give them the peace they deserve.” She pulled the sabers out from her bag and offered them to Maz.

Maz looked at them and closed her eyes. “They should be buried where this journey started. Many moons ago, on a planet called Tatooine. That is where Anakin Skywalker was born, that is where the Skywalker legacy was born. That is where it will continue. Take them there. Outside of Mos Eisley you will find a series of moisture farms. That is where Luke Skywalker grew up. That is where the sabers should be laid to rest.”

Rey hugged the small woman before her. “Can I stay here one more night, on the Falcon, and then go in the morning to Tatooine?”

“Of course.” Maz said, smiling. “This castle is your home whenever you need it. The first time you entered my doors, I knew you were destined for great things. Life has a tragic way of showing us gratitude. I believe I once said to you that ‘Whomever you were waiting for on Jakku - was never coming back. But, there's someone who still could.’ You believed then that I was talking about Luke.”

“What are you saying Maz?” Rey asked.

“Your journey is far from over, and the belonging you seek is still ahead. Rest, and in the morning go find where the Force guides you next. We will meet again; of that I am sure.” The women smiled at each other and Maz got up and went to her quarters. Rey left the castle and began to make the trek back to the Falcon.

For the first time in a month, sleep came easy. She curled up in the oversized bed on the Falcon and let her heavy eyelids claim her consciousness. 

As morning approached, Rey stood outside the ship's ramp and took one last deep breath of the humid forest. She looked at the ships that were making their way back to the now fully operational castle.

The days Rey had spent here gave her belonging again. Piece by piece, she had helped make this place alive once more. She knew that Maz's words have always been true and that her journey was far from over.

As Rey powered up the Falcon and put in her new coordinates, she felt purpose in her next task. Rey knew that what came next would bring her closer to what her heart desired.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you think of this chapter. 
> 
> Drop a comment, leave a kuddo and subscribe! This story will be a slow burn, but the journey to the reunion (and what a beautiful reunion it will be) will be super detail oriented.
> 
> I was in denial when I saw Episode IX in theaters and have been working on this since December. Everyone has a story in their head of what is important to them and what they wished they saw/read. This is my version, and I hope it brings you comfort and a reason to still believe that 'no one’s ever really gone'.


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